Mars does Venus

Okay...shadav's thread gave me an idea...but when I came to discover I can no longer catch college girls, I came up with this one instead.


We'll try an experiment. I'll begin a story with the first paragraph and each of you add onto it, either with a paragraph or a sentence at a time. We'll just see how silly this all gets.




It had been some time since I had laid my eyes upon professor Brown's weary countenance. The years have faded away the memories enough for me that I was quite surprised when he contacted me, as though it were yesterday, requesting my assistance in something he could not fully divulge. What has brought me here, down an old, near abandoned lane to peer upon the facade of an old manor with its crumbling rock shored exterior is something I cannot fully answer for myself. The curiosity of events has brought me this far, now I must continue.



Your turn.

I arrived there in a rush only to find the professor Brown in a puddle of blood, with several knives stuck into his body. He even had a fork in his left eye.
I looked at him horrified and I run away screaming like a little girl.
After I was finally back home, I had the strangest feeling that I was being watched or something like that.
I went in my room to get some sleep, when I heard the front door opening....

I could hear the distinct sound of someone carefully walking about the house; looking for something. As the footsteps now appeared to be more cautious and sounding as though they were coming my way, I remembered my trusty handgun I kept under the covers as I fumbled for something hard and pulled on it. "ouch...that hurt!" I thought to myself as I again reached for the handgun and successfully brandished it from under the covers just as the door to my room opened.

I could not believe my eyes!
In front of me was standing...Michael Jackson itself???
But...what was he doing there?
-Freeze! I have a handgun and I know how to use it! What are you doing here?
-I kindly beg you pardon, mister! I was simply looking for my nose!
-Your nose?
-Yes, my nose! I believe it was stolen by professor Brown!
I was startled. Nothing made sense anymore so I got up from my bed and told Michael Jackson the followings:

"Damn!", I thought to myself as in this moment of tension I tried to alleviate the stress by allowing my mind to wander and create some silly scenario about Michael Jackson looking for his nose; must be the inner woman in me, the bad part, trying to come out.

Squelching my inner woman and facing the present situation like a man, I looked upon the bedroom door as the footsteps stopped. Suddenly, unlike a webmaster searching for an idea, the door swung open. I leveled my my gun and fired.

"Damn!", I thought to myself again, "Looks like I'll need a new roommate...and she was good in bed too."

My momentary, if ever so slight, grief, was thoroughly distracted by a sudden sound coming from the window.

It was Ivenms!!!
I was so happy to see him that my eyes burst into tears instantly! He told me not to cry as he had good news for me.
-Do not cry, I have good news for you!
I wiped my tears with a dirty tissue (laundry day ) and I looked at him with hope in my eyes... eyes once filled with tears of sorrow.
-What's the good news, Iven?

As Iven began to speak and I began to yawn, the thought dawned on me, "What the hell is he doing in my bedroom at night, and why am I crying like a woman?". Obviously I needed to man it up; once again.

It then struck me that, being I had never met Iven, how was I to know that this was him? Perhaps some kind of doppelganger or perhaps even a spy in a clever disguise...er...or just telling me that he was Iven.

Suspicious of the circumstances, I leveled my gun once again and shot him in the head.

My suspicions were confirmed when he stood back up and said "Nyah...nyah...missed any vital organs."

And then I realized!!!
It wasn't Iven! It was... Shadav, disguised as Lord Daksh!
I pulled my self up and pulled the gun, but right when I was about to shot him again, or her, this time aiming for the head, someone came and jumped in my back.
Normally, this would have scared me but not anymore. I was just curious... who was it this time?
Scorpion, Godkillah, Josechukkiri or even Menard? Who could it be out there in my back?
Was it by any chance Bill Gates in person?

Although the realization that shadav was in drag struck me as no great surprise, I was determined to get this annoyance off my back. I was fairly assured it was not Scorpion as little girls can't jump that high.

I reached behind my head and got a grip on my assailant and slung him to the floor. Seeing that he was fully dressed in black with a face scarf, I knew intently that he was a ninja; plus his two associates jumped out at that moment proclaiming "we are ninja" which rather clued me in as well.

Preparing to take on three ninjas, I heard them in chorus scream "oy" as they went into attack stance; I am obviously facing off against the dreaded Jewish ninja. One came at me from the left as I promply applied a fist to his forehead, knocking him back into the bookcase and causing a collapse of books onto him. However, before I could recover, another grappled my right arm rendering it immobile while the remaining ninja went into a flying kick mode. I called upon my inner woman, which has been coming out at inappropriate moments all night long anyway, and gave the flying ninja a swift kick in the nuts; that really gave him something to scream about. I was able to throw the other ninja off balance and use my weight to slam him into the wall.

I then lunged toward the bed reaching for my gun which I had previously dropped in all the excitement. Unfortunately, it seemed as though somebody else, perhaps shadav, had put a hotdog on the bed and I came up pointing a weiner at them. This did, however, seem to affect them as one of them screamed "He's got a weiner...run!!!".

They took out of the room in a huff so fast that their screams had to catch up with them. I began pursuit, only to be knocked to the floor by something...or someone.

This post was last modified: 29-01-2008 10:43 AM by Menard.

I looked up to see who or what tripped then I realized it was my left foot who did it! He knocked out my right foot on purpose. I knew he was jealous of him, but I had no idea he would go this far. After I made him some fake promises, I went back on my feet and went back to pursuit those ninja!
They were fearsome ninja with fearsome ninjitsu abilities but I too knew martial arts. Tae Kwon Do, Kung Fu, Jet Li, Chow Yun Fat and even John Chow were mastered by me, at least that's what that 300 bucks black belt told. I was to be feared too!
Then, with my awesome superpowers, no, my awesome martial arts power I started running towards the attackers. I tried to come up with a fearsome battle cry, as fearsome as my manly martial arts powers but my inner women stepped in again and I started screaming like a little girl.
The ninjas were so scared by the fearsome high pitched voice of mine so they told me:

Damn! There I go again, going off on another tangent and imagining a fight between my own feet, somehow thinking that I have mastered several disciplines in the martial arts, and screaming like a little girl again. Should I survive this, I seriously need to consider therapy to resolve a previously unknown case of schizophrenia; or I just unknowing ingested some acid.

I had previously, apparently, been running around screaming that one foot of mine was attacking the other foot and that I am a fearsome master of martial arts, all the while screaming like a little girl. The ninjas had responded with telling me they were so scared, just before they broke out into uncontrollable laughter (and I frankly don't blame them).

Standing before them a little red-faced, it dawned on me that something in my pants was hard, and was beginning to have me wondering what else I didn't know about myself before I realized it was my gun which I had apparently dropped into my pants pocket instead of on the bed. I whipped the stiff object from my pants (the gun!!!), pointed it at the leader ninja and shot him in the head.

The two remaining ninjas were so taken aback by my action that they fled, on to each side of the room, and jumped out opposite windows. Of course, being that I knew the rear window was bricked up, I really felt for that poor guy as he lay there twitching from a broken neck. I heard the other one scream as he apparently impaled himself upon the wrought iron gate below.

I had thought my problems were over till it hit me; yeah, I stepped on a golf club and it came up and smacked me in the nads. As I lay there writhing in pain, I then remembered what I was going to think before being hit in the nads: there was still someone in the room with me.

I, with great discomfort, peered up from the floor. A lump held in my throat as I screamed out, in my best soprano effort, a sound of pure horror...

...shadaaaaav!!!!

Hearing that powerful roar, Shadav came to me in an instant.
First, I wanted to run away from her, since she was the one that attacked me so I told her:
-What do you want from me?
-I want to help you! After all, I am the super moderator of WMF. I have awesome super moderating powers and I'm like a superman here and I can beat ... something out of those ninjas.
-But I thought you were the one leading the ninjas? Didn't you attack me?
-No, actually, that was Godkillah disguised as me disguised in Lord Daksh.
-Damn it! I heard a voice from behind. It was the attacker, Godkillah as I just found out.
-You discovered my secret! he (or she? ) continued! I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling kids and your stupid dog!
-What dog? me and Shadav asked in the same time?
-That dog, Scooby Dick, said Godkillah and pointed to a certain point out of our reach of view.
We turned around too look at the dog and we were amazed by what we saw.

It was obvious that Scooby Dick was a male dog; perhaps a little too obvious, hence his name. Aside from the sudden appearance of this...um...overly endowed dog, which had not previously been here before (as though this is unique for this evening), and the apparent and immediate recognition of people I had never met before, I would say things were going pretty smoothly...ahem.

As Scooby Dick limped toward me, it became just as obvious that he had a missing leg; I will not go into any detail as to what he used for a crutch. I asked him what happened to his leg. I don't know which struck me as more odd: that I asked a dog what happened to his leg, or that he actually replied.

"I belonged to a Korean family.", he replied, which certainly answered my question.

It then struck me; so I asked Scooby Dick to kindly watch where he puts his...uh...crutch. I looked up at Godkillah and asked "What secret?" and "Who the hell are you calling a kid?"

Godkillah then struck a pose as he began "It started many yaers ago when I was but a wee child. It was then that I saw my true meaning in life..."

I got bored quickly, so I shot him. Perhaps I should have just tortured him slowly to find the answers to some of my questions first. In this evening I have faced off against three ninjas, shot Iven in the head who apparently turned out to be shadav dressed as Lord Daksh (which I will never understand why anyone would want to be confused for him), but then it turns out that it was Godkillah disguised as Lord Daksh; in the meantime, I'm wondering what it is that Scooby Dick is doing to the body of my roommate I shot....oh, that's just wrong.

The continuity to this evening has run like a bad porn movie and I wish somebody would jump out from somewhere (careful where you jump around here) and explain it to me.

This post was last modified: 31-01-2008 06:32 AM by Menard.

And... for the first time this day, no one jump. Nothing happened.
I was surrounded by dead bodies of weird people whom I never met before, I was stuck with a handicapped dog named Scooby Dick and I was clueless. And no one came to tell me what the... heaven had happened there.
Was I high? Nope, I checked. I was barely one feet over the ground. This wasn't it.
Was this a dream? Hmm... I pinched myself and I felt it. I pinched Scooby and I felt his teeth too.
Was this just a pigment of my imagination? No way, my imagination belonged to my inner woman and she wasn't near this creative.
Was I just a character in a silly story written by some guys on a webmasters forums? Yeah, right, like this was ever going to happen.
I simply stood there searching for an answer and for the first time I wanted for someone to surprise me.
Iven appeared, Shadav too... and also other know characters from WMF. The only major character that wasn't there was... Menard!!!
He must be behind this! He must be the evil genius behind this. So I took a hunting knife, the stiff thingy from my pants that wasn't anything unusual but a gun and I went hunting for Menard!
-Schhhhhhhhhh! I wispered... I'm hunting wabits! I mean.. Menard! Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Meanwhile...at Doctor Menard's Secret Lab (so identified by a public sign hanging outside the door which reads 'Doctor Menard's Secret Lab').

Doctor Menard is pacing the floor, briskly rubbing his hands together in an excited manner over his latest creation.

"At last," exclaims Doctor Menard, "the first step to my ultra secret plan, known only to me, is almost complete."

A passing mailman comments "Is that the one where you infiltrate world governments with mindless zombies that do their master's bidding?"

"Uh...yeah...that's the one." replies Doctor Menard.

"Too late." says the postman.

Aggravated, paranoid, and at least a little embarrassed, Doctor Menard continues his rant.

"Bwahahahaha; my creation is near complete; all I have to do is throw this switch and..."

Suddenly the lights go out and the postman...carrying a flashlight (torch for you dark ages Brits), hands Doctor Menard a letter as he says "Seems the electric company wants to be paid."

"You read my mail too?!?" screams Doctor Menard in protest.

"My plans must be completed!" rants Doctor Menard (yet again, ho-hum) as he exits his secret lab, "I shall conquer this latest setback."

[And so the trials of Doctor Menard continues...]

"I shall overcome the bureaucrats at their own game!!"

[ahem...as I was saying...]

"Nobody will get in the way of Doctor Menard!!!"

[shut up, Menard]

"Bwahahahaha, I shall have my REVENGE!!!!!"

[You lop-headed twit, SHUT UP!!!!!]

"I shall have....son of a...."

[Screams Menard as he did not see that open manhole suddenly appear]


Meanwhile...